🎶It's my Life🎶 | Bon Jovi, Unicorn Hair and the Psychology of Raising Brave Kids

How a 90s rock anthem, a tough year and forty minutes on an elliptical became a reminder about courage, failure and choosing your own path.

❌Spoiler alert❌: this blog isn’t entirely about sport parenting!

I will try to make a few connections, but really this is a story about life, courage, and deciding that you get to choose your own path.

The inspiration came from a moment last year when things in my professional life had become… complicated. I found myself in a situation that was making me deeply unhappy, but walking away from it felt daunting, messy, and potentially very disruptive.

One afternoon I went to the gym, climbed onto the elliptical trainer, and put a song from my teenage years on repeat.

Bon Jovi. It’s My Life.

For forty minutes I pedalled away while Jon Bon Jovi shouted motivational lyrics at me through my headphones. Somewhere around the sixth replay, something shifted.

The song is basically a three-minute declaration that you get one life and you’d better be brave enough to live it your own way.

By the time I stepped off the machine I knew something important: even if making a change was difficult, I couldn’t keep carrying on feeling that unhappy.

The funny thing about courage is that it sometimes arrives in unexpected places.

Like a 90s rock song on repeat at the gym.

And the more I thought about it afterwards, the more I realised that the themes in that song apply surprisingly well to life, sport, and raising confident young people. Let me share some of the lyrics with you....

🎶This Ain’t a Song for the Broken-Hearted🎶

Sport - like life - isn’t comfortable all the time.

There will be criticism.

Setbacks.

Doubts.

Moments when things don’t go your way.

As parents, we sometimes feel the urge to shield our children from those experiences. But resilience doesn’t grow in perfectly smooth conditions.

It grows when things are difficult and we keep moving forward anyway.

The goal of sport parenting isn’t to remove struggle.

It’s to help children develop the strength to face it.

🎶I Ain’t Gonna Be Just a Face in the Crowd🎶

At one point in my career, someone suggested that my appearance wasn’t quite appropriate for someone working with children.

Apparently colourful hair and a slightly unconventional look didn’t quite fit the expected "mould" (whatever that was supposed to be?)

For a brief moment I wondered if I should tone things down. Blend in a bit more.

But moulds are funny things.

They tend to assume that everyone should look the same.

Children today are under enormous pressure to conform - how they look, how they behave, what success should look like, what sports they should choose, even how they should celebrate success or handle disappointment.

But raising confident young people isn’t about teaching them to blend into the crowd.

It’s about helping them realise that their individuality is something to protect.

Sometimes the most powerful message we can give our children is:

You don’t have to fit in to belong.

🎶I Just Want to Live While I’m Alive🎶

One of the biggest fears parents share in sport communities is when a child decides they want to stop.

They worry their child is quitting.

They worry it means failure.

But sometimes stopping isn’t giving up.

Sometimes it’s choosing a new path.

My daughter recently stepped away from gymnastics after years in the sport. It wasn’t because she suddenly found it too hard. It was because she had reached a point where she wanted to focus her energy somewhere else. She had a new ambition, one equally as valid and exciting. She was ready for a new challenge.

That decision took courage.

Too many people stay in situations they no longer enjoy simply because leaving feels like failure.

But living fully means recognising when a chapter has run its course.

If you haven’t failed at something, you probably haven’t pushed yourself very far.

Failure isn’t the opposite of living.

In many ways, it’s proof that you are.

🎶Luck Ain’t Enough, You’ve Got to Make Your Own Breaks🎶

When I decided to start a PhD to design and test an education program for sport parents, it felt like a huge gamble.

There was always the possibility it might not work out.

But growth rarely happens inside the safest possible choices.

In sport we talk a lot about talent and luck. But behind every “lucky” athlete is an enormous amount of persistence, effort, and time spent pushing themselves.

The harder someone works, the more opportunities they create.

Luck may open a door occasionally.

But effort is what keeps it open.

🎶This Is for the Ones Who Stood Their Ground🎶

Confidence doesn’t come from always winning.

It comes from learning to stand firm in who you are.

Children learn this partly through sport - but also through watching the adults around them. When they see parents pursuing goals, navigating challenges, and staying true to themselves, they learn that resilience is normal.

Just like the song celebrates the fictional characters Tommy and Gina for refusing to back down, the people who succeed in sport and life are usually the ones who simply keep showing up.

Not because things are easy.

But because their path matters to them.

🎶Don’t Bend, Don’t Break, Don’t Back Down🎶

At some point everyone will face moments when they’re questioned, criticised, or pushed to doubt themselves.

The real test isn’t whether those moments happen.

It’s how we respond when they do.

Standing tall without losing who you are is one of the most powerful strengths a person can develop.

And sport, when approached well, can be an incredible place to learn exactly that.

🎶It’s My Life | It's now or never!🎶

The chorus of the song is simple, maybe even a little cheesy.

But the message is hard to argue with.

We only get one life.

The real purpose of sport, parenting, and personal growth isn’t perfection.

It’s courage.

Courage to try.

Courage to fail.

Courage to change direction.

Courage to be unapologetically yourself.

If we can raise children who understand that, then we’ve given them something far more valuable than medals or trophies.

We’ve given them the confidence to live fully.

And that might be the most important win of all.

So yes, perhaps this blog post about Bon Jovi, elliptical trainers and life decisions did end up having something to do with sport parenting after all. If we want children to be brave enough to choose their own path, they need to see adults doing exactly the same thing.

Stand tall.

Don’t back down.

Raise the brave ones.

And if you ever find yourself questioning a big life decision, remember: forty minutes on an elliptical with a 90s rock anthem on repeat can work wonders. Particularly if you’re doing it with unicorn hair and absolutely no intention of blending into the crowd.

And this is the part of the blog where I’m supposed to ask you to do something.

You know the bit - book a course, get in touch about a workshop, or share this with other sport parents who might find it helpful.

And yes, I would genuinely love you to do one of those things if this has resonated with you.

But mostly, I hope you keep doing the important stuff.

🎶Keep listening to great anthems.

🦄Keep being brave enough to choose your own path.

💪And keep raising incredible, powerful people.

Because the world really does need more of them.💜💜💜