From Tension to Teamwork | Building a Workshop for Coaches.

Why “Just Do the Opposite” Doesn’t Work in Youth Sport

I’ve just been asked to deliver a workshop for coaches.

My first reaction?

A quiet wave of imposter syndrome.

I’ve never played competitive sport.

I’ve never been coached.

I’ve never stood pitch-side with a whistle.

So who am I to help coaches?

Then I reminded myself of something important.

I’ve spent years studying the psychology of sport parenting. I’ve listened to hundreds of parents. I’ve sat in the tension between coaches and families. I understand the emotional climate that sits around youth sport - even if I’ve never run a drill.

When I feel uncertain, I do what I’ve always done: I go back to the research. I found a wonderful article, a scoping review examining coach–parent relationships in youth sport published just last year. It didn’t offer a magic blueprint, but it confirmed something I see again and again: This isn’t about “bad parents” or “difficult coaches.” It’s about systems, pressure, misaligned expectations - and roles that aren’t clearly defined.

And one idea in particular stood out:

Simply identifying ineffective behaviours and “doing the opposite” does not automatically create effective relationships.

That’s huge.

So much advice in youth sport sounds like:

Don’t shout.

Don’t interfere.

Don’t question.

But silence isn’t partnership.

Compliance isn’t trust.

Avoidance isn’t alignment.

You don’t improve relationships by flipping behaviour. You improve them by changing the conditions that create it.

That shift has completely shaped this workshop.

It won’t be about “handling nightmare parents.” It won’t be about blame. It will be about:

• Reducing stress in the system

• Clarifying roles

• Building predictable communication

• Aligning expectations before conflict grows

Most parents aren’t trying to undermine coaches. They’re trying to get it right - often without the tools to do so calmly. If we change the structure, behaviour changes with it.

This workshop has definitely pushed me out of my comfort zone. But it’s also reminded me why I do this work in the first place. I’m excited! Can't wait for my first one and hope there will be many more after that.

If you’re a coach and this resonates, get in touch. Let’s bring this conversation to your club.

If you’re a parent reading this, share this with your child’s coach. Because the coach–parent relationship shapes everything.

We all benefit when it works better.

Apparently… I’m doing this.

And I think that’s a good thing.