Helping Your Child Cope with Excessive Pressure and Bullying in Sport

I see this time and time again in social media groups - desperate parents reaching out for help because they feel their child is being bullied by their coach. It’s heartbreaking, and sadly, it’s more common than many realise.

From my research, I’ve seen how incredibly resilient children can be in sport. They’ll handle the boring, repetitive training sessions. They’ll sacrifice weekends and miss out on parties. If they’re passionate about their sport, they’re all in.

But the one thing they don’t tolerate well - the one thing they consistently say they’d change - is bad coaching or bullying.

We’ve all seen the headlines about abusive coaching and the devastating impact it can have. Organisations are working hard to stamp this out, but from what I can see, it’s not happening fast enough.

We explore this in our Super-P workshop, but I wanted to share some further thoughts here for parents who might be dealing with this right now.

Step One: Is It Bullying or Abuse?

The first thing a parent has to decide is whether this is bullying or abuse. Only you can make that call, and it starts by opening up good, honest communication with your child.

A lot of what I see parents posting about online would fall under bullying - not always overt abuse, but repeated behaviour that makes a child feel small, pressured, or humiliated.

Things like:

• “You have to get this skill.”

• “You must hit this score at the next competition.”

• "You better not let me down!"

• "You better not let your team down!"

• Or bullying from teammates, comments that isolate or belittle.

  
  

These comments can chip away at confidence. Parents often complain to the club, but nothing changes -and that helpless feeling sets in.

Step Two: Arm, Don’t Just Protect

If your child is in a situation where they have to stay involved for now - maybe they love the sport, or there’s no alternative coach - my advice is to help them reframe what’s happening.

Remind them: the words of the bully are about the bully, not about them.

Here are my top two tips for helping your child handle it:

1. Give Them a Grounding Phrase

When the coach says something harsh or overly pressuring, teach your child to say something quietly in their head - for example:

“This is my journey, and I know I’m doing my best.”

It’s a small sentence, but it gives them back control. It helps them stay anchored in their own effort and self-worth - not the coach’s approval. (Feel free to chat together and come up with something they feel comfortable with).

2. Try “Bullying Bingo”

This one’s a bit more playful, but it really helps kids laugh at the situation instead of internalising it.Together, identify the classic lines the coach tends to use. Then, every time the coach says one, your child can say “ding!” silently in their head and keep count.

When they come out, have a light-hearted chat about it. You could even set a challenge -

“If you get three dings today, I’ll buy you a milkshake on the way home.”

Now, I know this sounds silly, and I want to be clear - this isn’t about trivialising what’s happening. Behind the scenes, you can (and should) advocate fiercely for your child. But this little game gives them a way to not absorb the negativity. It helps them see it for what it is - poor behaviour on the coach’s part - rather than a reflection of their own worth or ability.

Children are remarkably strong when they feel supported and heard. By helping them see that a coach’s comments don’t define them - and giving them strategies to stay grounded - you’re building emotional resilience that will serve them far beyond sport.

Sometimes, it’s not about protecting them from the storm - it’s about teaching them how to stay steady in it.

A Note on Protection vs Shielding

In our Super-P workshops, we teach parents how vital it is to protect their children - but that’s very different from shielding them. Protecting means stepping in when behaviour crosses the line; shielding can mean taking away valuable learning opportunities.

The Super-P workshop helps parents recognise and break the “code of silence” - the pattern, proven in research, where parents feel bullied or intimidated by coaches into accepting behaviour that would be unacceptable anywhere else. We arm parents with the knowledge of what their role is and confidence to speak up when necessary.

This blog, however, is about something slightly different: it’s about helping your child develop personal tools for handling a tough situation - one that may not be easily changed and giving them ways to manage the moment while you work behind the scenes to make change happen.

Because protecting your child doesn’t always mean removing the challenge - sometimes, it means helping them rise above it.